What 20 years of building a different way to live and work has taught me

Twenty years ago, I left the UK. A few years before that, I left my corporate career. Both decisions were driven by a desire to create a different way to live and work than what I had at the time. 

Choosing to explore different places to live felt like the natural next step after years of living in places just for corporate jobs. I wanted to live somewhere I chose, not somewhere determined by my career. My husband wanted the same, so we decided to go for it. That decision took us to Ireland for seven years, and eventually to Canada, where we now live on an island off the west coast.

It wasn’t just about experiencing living in different countries. It was about building a different way to live and work that felt more fulfilling, more meaningful, and gave me more freedom. That is still how I define success now.

Here’s what the last 20 years of building a different way to live and work have taught me:
 

1. Creating my own definition of success changed everything.

I realised I was following the conventional definition of success, not one I had created for myself. It had me chasing a corporate career that didn’t feel fulfilling or meaningful, and living in places I didn’t choose. The same was true in my personal life. I was living the way other people wanted me to, which kept me in environments and relationships that weren’t right for me.

Creating my own definition of success based on my values and what mattered most to me, and building my life and work around it, led to the changes that gave me a different way of living and working that felt fulfilling and meaningful.

2. The discomfort of staying stuck is worse than the discomfort of change.

I had wanted to leave my corporate career for years and make changes in my personal life, but didn’t. There were many reasons. Fear of the unknown, not knowing how to make change happen, the uncertainty, lack of confidence, and concern about what others would think. I was telling myself all sorts of worst-case scenarios about what might happen if I stepped outside of the only life and work I had known for decades. All of it kept me stuck in a reality that wasn’t working for me.

The shift came with one realisation. The discomfort of staying stuck would be permanent. The discomfort of navigating change would be temporary. I had to choose which discomfort to accept. It became a no-brainer. The permanent discomfort was a far worse option than temporary discomfort that would eventually lead to something better. I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my personal and professional life. That wouldn’t change if I did nothing. But if I stepped into the discomfort of change, what I wanted was on the other side of it. That realisation changed everything.

3. Big change is a myth.

One of the things that held me back from making the changes I wanted was that they felt massive. Like a mountain to climb. It felt so overwhelming, I was like a rabbit caught in headlights, staring ahead, not knowing what to do or how to tackle it. That changed when I figured this out: Big change is a myth.

It’s a myth because you can’t make it happen in one or even a few steps. What looks like a big change is just an accumulation of small steps taken consistently over time. Breaking it down into smaller steps made change feel doable. It removed the whole idea of big change because all I had to focus on was the next few steps. No big leaps. No massive changes overnight. Just steps. And that approach doesn’t just make change doable, it makes it more enjoyable too.

4. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you start. The first step is just deciding.

I spent so long holding myself back from just making a start because I thought I had to have everything figured out before I began. It took me a while to learn that the opposite is true. You figure it out by getting into action. You don’t know what you don’t know at the start line, so if you are waiting to have it all figured out before you start, you are going to wait a very long time. I did. It was years. Such a mistake.

The first step is to just decide you want to change something. That’s it. You don’t have to know how at that point. Once you’ve decided it’s time for a change or you want a different way to live and work, all you need to do is figure out the first few steps to get the ball rolling. The rest evolves as you go.

The bottom line:

Deciding to create a different way to live and work came down to this:

I would rather give something a go, even if it doesn’t work out, than spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been.

There are no guarantees when you choose to make a change. You either go for it and risk it not working out, or you risk spending the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had tried. For me, I will choose to give it a go every time. I would rather live with experiences and learning than regret.